Cataract

March 5, 2026  

11:58 PM – Karachi  

The house is swallowed by loadshedding again—total blackout, fan frozen, air thick and heavy. I’m on the floor, back pressed against the bed frame, earphones locked in, the same 2-hour-15-minute podcast thundering through my skull to drown out every muffled voice seeping from the other rooms. My left eye feels like someone’s dragging sandpaper across the cornea. Tears slide down my face even though I’m not crying—just the after-effect of the drops, plus the constant irritation. Every blink scatter ghost rainbow: red, violet, gold, green smearing the darkness like wet oil on glass.

Today’s hospital verdict is still sinking in like lead. Back in 2023 the doctor spotted a small موتیہ (cataract) forming in the curve of my left lens—tiny, “monitor it.” Today at Khairunnisa Eye Hospital near Quaid-e-Azam’s tomb, the torch lit up three distinct cloudy patches. The lens is fogging faster, scattering light, turning every bright point into pain. During namaz lately my eyes have been watering non-stop—like I’d been sobbing for hours when I hadn’t. Just leaking. Constant. That’s why I finally told Baba this morning, “My eyes are hurting really bad.” He came along with me.

The waiting area reeked of Dettol and stale bodies. Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead. Doctor dripped the yellow stuff in—world exploded into halos. He confirmed the progression and said the glare, halos, pain, and watering are classic signs. They even took my blood pressure right after because something looked borderline concerning.

Riding home was pure ordeal. I was on my own bike—no borrowing from Baba this time. He was just accompanying me, riding behind on his. The drops had already kicked in hard. Every headlight, every streetlamp, every shop neon turned into blinding, spinning rainbow wheels stabbing straight into my brain. Nausea rolled in waves. At Hamdard Matab near Numaish I passed that wall painted “I stand with Iran” in black—the letters bled maroon and black together, distorted, making my stomach lurch so violently I thought I’d throw up on the handlebars.

I barely looked at the road after that. Rode on pure muscle memory the whole way:  

- Left at Lalu Kheth where the fruit cart sits every evening.  

- Through Karimabad—counting the three speed-breakers one by one because the yellow stripes were invisible under the glare.  

- Al-Asif sector—the old roundabout is gone now, road straightened out, but my body still instinctively wanted to lean into the phantom curve. Forced the bike straight while my eye screamed.  

Kept the throttle light—40–45 km/h the entire stretch. In Karachi that’s practically standing still, but anything faster and the rainbow streaks would’ve blinded me completely. Baba stayed behind me the whole ride, close enough to see I was struggling, but no words. When we reached home I parked my bike, handed him nothing—he had his own. Still, the moment we stepped inside, he started: “Your brakes feel too low.” I told him straight: I ride soft, right foot barely touching, gentle pressure—that’s why the brake shoe feels loose to him. He pushed anyway: “We’ll go to the mechanic, tighten the brake shoe.” Same old tune—my adjustments are wrong, my riding style needs “correcting,” I need fixing. Another quiet slice at who I am.

Then the house delivered the second blow.

Loadshedding hits again. Madiha in the doorway holding Munir, voice sharp: “Give me one of your three phones for the torch.” Right in front of our son. Like I’m a shared utility box. Let me lay out my phones clearly so this doesn’t get spun later:

- One is my basic functional phone—simple brick for calls and SMS only. Lifesaver when everything else dies.  

- The second is my Android—meant for WhatsApp, inDrive, Yango Pro only. Except it’s basically crippled. Motherboard short/problem means signal vanishes the second I move more than 300 meters from a tower. Wi-Fi? Only connects if I literally piggyback it on another phone’s hotspot—device has to be right next to it, glued close. That’s its only practical use now: a weak, desperate hotspot extender. Took it to Carl Care—they said motherboard repair would cost 4,000–5,000 PKR minimum, plus iTel-specific permissions needed for any firmware or update work. Money I can’t spare right now.  

- The third is the iPhone 11—my heavy-duty one for anything that needs real processing power, better screen, or demanding apps, always at home.

Three tools, three specific jobs. I maintain them carefully because I have to.  

But Madiha keeps demanding one-of-them—especially during blackouts—and drains the battery flat without blinking. Doesn’t recharge, doesn’t switch off when power returns, doesn’t take responsibility. Last time she used them for torch or whatever, left everything dead. Morning came, missed-call alerts SMS: three calls from Ibex Lahore I never heard because the basic phone was drained. Only found out at 5:30 PM when electricity finally returned and the phone buzzed alive with the backlog. Mom's supervising, Madiha copying the exact careless pattern.

I’m not possessive for sport. I’m introverted. When someone treats my limited, already-broken tools like communal junk and leaves me to deal with the fallout, it feels like a deliberate cut. I end up retreating two steps, swallowing the insult, because “family.”

Parents know about the eyes now. But the response? Same one-glove-fits-all blame game—health scare, tension, everything is Murtaza’s fault. Scapegoat activated. Madiha piling on with childish demands and jabs, treating me like a punching bag in my own home, in front of our child.

Tried telling in-laws about the eye progression and the suffocation. Silence. No support.

I live by blueprint: Plan A clear, detours labeled A.1.A—always loops back to the main path. They keep forcing A.1.B—a dead-end ruled by their “authority.” What authority destroys respect between husband and wife? I keep trying to honor her, give her space. She keeps choosing their blueprint.

Right now: dark room, screen glow the only light, eyes still leaking, rainbow ghosts flickering with every blink, podcast the only thing keeping my mind from cracking. I feel gutted—not just the vision fading, but the gaslighting, the careless borrowing, the constant erosion of who I am. Megalomania dressed up as care has hollowed me out.

If you’re reading this—especially women who’ve navigated in-law overreach, health scares while being scapegoated, or watched marital respect disappear piece by piece—speak plainly. No fluff. I’ve always tried treating women with fairness and caution. Draw the line honestly: Where do I stand firm? How do I protect my dignity, my sight, my sanity, my tools, and still keep this family from shattering? Real experiences. Real words. I’m listening.

Allah sees everything.  

Sabr is thin.  

I’m still holding on.  

Barely.