🔬Observations
I do not know what exactly urges many elders within our society to behave so narcissistically that they become willing to destroy the respect, integrity, and emotional authority of their own son merely because he refuses to surrender his independent thinking.This is not merely a disagreement inside a household.
This is psychological pressure exercised continuously under the disguise of “eldership,” where obedience is treated as morality, while questioning is treated as rebellion.
The moment I started taking a stand — especially when I questioned the idea that my mother’s actions or words could never be morally challenged by me — the atmosphere around me changed. From that point onward, it increasingly felt as though the objective was no longer honest understanding, but emotional taming.
🧠Psychological impacts
And what disturbed me more was realizing how this pressure started evolving structurally.
When they clearly saw that I had become fixated on my future plans, my direction, my self-development, and the life I wanted to build independently, they gradually started using and exploiting my wife as a mechanism to mould me into accepting their decisions indirectly.
Instead of direct confrontation, they began operating through emotional bypassing.
I personally call this the “Hit and Run mechanism” of many Baby Boomers.
Just like toddlers who ring somebody’s bell and run away after creating disturbance, they create emotional triggers, provoke reactions, weaken boundaries, and then quietly step back while the psychological consequences continue circulating within the household. Later, only the reaction becomes visible, while the repeated intrusion before it is conveniently erased from memory.
And honestly speaking, this is not Islam.
Islam did not establish justice through emotional intimidation or one-sided authority. Islam gave examples through Umar ibn al-Khattab, where both parties were heard before judgement was formed. Accountability was not selective.
But had such matters been handled through my father’s current approach, then instead of honestly analyzing both sides, the same childish “hit the bell and run” mentality would emerge again — because the objective no longer appears to be fairness.
The objective increasingly feels like psychological victory.
Pressure me repeatedly until resistance itself dies.
👨👨👧👧Societal impact
Push me enough so that eventually I stop questioning, stop objecting, and become someone who simply says, “Yes boss,” regardless of what is emotionally happening to me internally.
And what hurts me deeply is that my anger is continuously misunderstood and misrepresented.
I am not an individual who interferes in everybody else’s affairs. I do not spend my life monitoring what others are doing. In fact, I usually remain absorbed within my own world, my own thoughts, my own plans, and my own skill development.
During these same emotionally exhausting periods, while others remained occupied with control games and narrative-building, I had started learning SEO, digital structures, search systems, and online presentation frameworks. Not because SEO itself was the issue — but because it reflects the kind of individual I am.
💁I believe in improving my own collar before pointing toward somebody else’s.
💁I do not derive satisfaction from interfering in the lives of others.
But the point where my anger genuinely surfaces is when my own authority inside my marriage is intentionally bifurcated, bypassed, and weakened — particularly when my wife starts undermining me emotionally or publicly in ways that slowly reduce my standing within my own family structure.
That is where accumulated frustration begins transforming into visible anger.
Because disagreement is natural.
But systematically weakening someone’s emotional position while expecting him to remain endlessly silent is something entirely different.
And this is the psychological state I have increasingly been living inside:
a dual-faced environment where silence is interpreted as weakness, while reaction is interpreted as arrogance.
🔚Final Observation
💁If I remain quiet, then my boundaries continue getting crossed.
💁If I react, then the reaction itself becomes the central issue.
🧩Not the repeated emotional intrusion that created it.
That constant state of emotional contradiction slowly exhausts a person psychologically. It creates a condition where an individual starts feeling cornered from every direction — as if he is being gradually stripped of emotional space, individuality, and self-respect inside his own life.
And honestly, what frightens me most is that I can already see my wife gradually moving in the same direction as my elders — a direction which, in my view, is leading toward a future emotional time bomb within the family structure itself.
Meanwhile, the pressure upon me continues.
····Argument after argument.
····Boundary after boundary crossed.
····Narrative after narrative imposed.
Until eventually, it starts feeling as though the real objective is never reconciliation, but turning me into a complete zombie — someone without resistance, without emotional authority, without individuality, and without the courage to protect his own psychological existence, and ironic that my wife, who is supposed to be my partner, whom I would be spending my life, is doing politics with me, as if I would surrender, I have said one thing to both my parents and my wife, that I will surrender only when I die, but till I am alive, I won't surrender, sometimes, when I offer prayers, usually during Isha prayers, because at that time lights are always dimmed, so that none could see that how down and out I am that time when I am talking with Allah, that wife for which I stood for her respect and dignity, when mom told me to check up her why she isn't conceiving, at that time I saw vulnerability in her eyes, and I swear to Almighty Allah that I won't leave her on mercy of my mom, because mom baba will die, but I have to spend life with her, I made a full stop towards mom, because I do not want integrity of my wife on stakes of مولوی صاھبان, حکیم صاحبان, and ڈاکٹر صاحبان, because I personally had that belief that both me and my wife are normal, and at the time of birth, doctor also confirmed that both mother and father along with the baby are normal, and hence at that time I resisted, and now my wife and my mom are against that resistance, and ironically now that girl who had vulnerability during September 2024, when Munir was detected as a fetus, now killing my own authority on the name of my anger, whereas I am kind of guy who believes in distributed collaboration instead of showing off authority like I am this and that, is now blamed as if I am having anger issues, when I am reacting because I am felt interfered, it is called as disobedience, whereas while killing my integrity, they are doing goodness to my future 🤷🏻♂️
That is the fate I refuse to accept.
— Murtaza Moiz Farooqui
The Real Murtaza
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